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@AlanTal said
My wife cheated on me with my deaf best friend. I should've seen the signs.
He’ll never hear the end of it.

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@moonbus

Two friends were talking to each other and one said, “maybe you need hearing aids. Maybe you should think about getting hearing test”. The other person said, “why would I need a hairy chest?”

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@Ponderable said
@moonbus

Two friends were talking to each other and one said, “maybe you need hearing aids. Maybe you should think about getting hearing test”. The other person said, “why would I need a hairy chest?”
To reply with an even older one:

Two old ladies sitting on a park bench:

Isn't it windy!

No, I think it is Thursday!

So am I, let's get a cup of tea!

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My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid ..

“State of the art” he said

“ it cost me an absolute fortune “”

“That’s brilliant dad , what type is it “???

“It’s 2:30 “he replied

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@Ponderable said
@moonbus

Two friends were talking to each other and one said, “maybe you need hearing aids. Maybe you should think about getting hearing test”. The other person said, “why would I need a hairy chest?”
Old woman (seated in a pew at church, whispers to her husband): "I just let out a fart, but it was one of those silent ones. What should I do?"

Her husband (whispering back): "Replace the batteries in your hearing aids."

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I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices


He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist

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Being a pessimist doesn’t make any sense. It never works out.

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An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.
"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."

"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."

"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and besides, I'm hungry!"

So the two of them left the bus and went into the restaurant.

While they were eating, a news report came on the TV.

"A bus was crushed in an avalanche fifteen minutes ago," said the reporter. "Everyone on the bus was killed." The optimist and the pessimist recognized the bus as the one they had gotten off.

"See?" said the optimist. "I told you something good would happen if we got off the bus!"

"Good?" sputtered the pessimist. "If the bus hadn't stopped to let us off, it might have missed the avalanche!"

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I really like driverless cars. The other day, I saw a whole car park full of them.

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If you drive a Subaru in reverse, what are you?

U r a bus.
🤔😉

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Why do nurse like red crayons?
Because sometimes they have to draw blood.

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Don't quit your day job, @Stees 😆

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The wife came home from the doctors balancing some bread on her head. Apparently, she was starting a loaf hat diet.

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@Earl-of-Trumps said
Don't quit your day job, @Stees 😆
Well I am thinking about becoming an astronaut.🤔

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@Great-Big-Stees said
Well I am thinking about becoming an astronaut.🤔
Aim high.